Shame Vs. Guilt

Have you made a mistake before? Are you thinking of a past or present example? Did this impact you  as a student, friend, family member, community member or professional? If this was a ‘put your hand up in the air if…” question every person would have their hand up. How we emotionally respond to a mistake can be in the category of Shame, “I am bad”, or in the category of Guilt, “I did something that was bad”.

Neither shame or guilt feel good but they are very different. Shame is something that feels like it is a part of who we are, it is something that we want to hide and the emotional toll of this can lead us either be overly nice or lash out toward others.  Guilt is something we can work with and learn from to help us repair the mistake and avoid making it again.

One way to help manage shame an is to talk about it with a person you trust. Author, Brene Brown writes about this in her books “The Gifts of Imperfection” and “Dare to Lead”.  Shame prefers to be hidden where it can fester and grow. Talking about a mistake we have made can help us feel less alone, learn another point of view of what happened and may help us learn ways to repair and move forward.